An excerpt from the unauthorized autobiography:

"Raised by weasels in the wilds of Borneo, Jim was destined for greatness. During the course of an extended childhood, he developed many unusual skills, such as the power to transfix ants with his gaze and the ability to go for days without uttering the word 'inasmuch.' Discovered by a band of Baptist mercenaries, Jim was enrolled in school and soon earned fame as the world's tallest third grader--a distinction he held for four consecutive years..."

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